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“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool-blasterz, with a z. I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes big ol’ cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Fried chicken is fri-fri chicky-chick. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. Chicken cacciatore? Chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks … Food rakes.”

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Every year, John Waters sends a personally signed Christmas card to a select list of friends and associates. Pictured above is 2006’s card, which is a genuine mug shot from the Baltimore Police Department.

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patam0n:

military, shot, married, beaten, no one cares, bipolar, knocked up, depression, girl gone wild, no one fucking likes you, lesbian, gay, whore, nerd, dead, who the fuck are those two. 

ODSF9IGNFOVDBCSVs

crying.

It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.

- Bill Maher, on the Jan Brewer/Obama incident [1.27.12]

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